Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Holy Crap!

Rich found my first ever blog while I was still in high school. You rock man:

Feb. 12, 1998: The ecstasy that kills

As I enter Staples High School, I usually watch for one thing. That thing is my love. When I don’t see her in the hallway, I know that it is safe to proceed to class. You see I am in love with someone who simply does not love me back.
Love is tough. I think men go through it slightly different then women. For men (at least for me) we always need to be around the person we are in love with. This makes us feel better. Your heart flips around until you feel like your heart could just pop out at any moment. I feel this way every time I see my love. The passion that bounds up inside me is so overwhelming, that I have problems performing normal functions. I will see her in a hallway and immediately my legs will freeze and I will find myself staring at her, while my feet quickly take me to where she is. This is not something I can control, or for that matter have enough will to control. I was in the 4 building (the arts building) yesterday, and me and my friend DS were leaving school. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted her and briskly turned around and stared at her. My heart was pumping and my mind was racing and for some reason I was paralyzed. I found that I couldn’t stop looking at her. It wasn’t even her beauty that I was enamored by, it was her interaction with other people. DS spotted this and validated his understand by saying "take as long as you like, Brett." It’s good to have a friend that understands. After about 40 seconds of silent staring, I finally gained the will to move on and speedily love the hallway. The amount of anxiety that was coursing through my veins was enormous and when I finally go to my car, I sat down and cleared my head before finally driving away with my friend.
The scenario above happens roughly every day, usually twice a day. It is something I love and hate at the same time. I love watching her as she interacts with other students. I take joy in everything she does. Every movement, every quirk, everything. I torture myself by watching her, but for some reason my eyes can’t leave. It is truly an ecstasy that kills.
Further notes: I got into college yesterday

Yes, I would love to give you advice Brett

So what has changed? Apparently not much, especially since Colin has identified me as a new emo blogger. This initial blog was the true emo blog. I've chosen not to edit a single word. Dude, I was so creepy back then...


coturnix said...

I love the phrase "speedily love the hallway". I am still not sure what it means but I suspect it is something very deep... I'll see if I can use it in my writing in the future...or did you copyright the phrase?

Brett said...

Yeah, it's one of those happy accidents done when I was so much younger. I am ridiculously embarrassed that I posted this, but I felt it was necessary to analyze my first ever blog. There's this whole self-discovery thing going on right now and this helps me realize a part of my whacked personality.

Anonymous said...

i have an emo blog too its http://emoequality.blogspot.com/ check it out