Friday, November 11, 2005

Regarding Last Night

At some point last night my friend Kim (the fucking librarian) asked me if I set myself up in absurd situations just so I can blog about them. While this notion is seemingly interesting, I deny it thoroughly on the grounds that I got into absurd situations long before I had a blog. Which I suppose I should reflect upon my own choose of lifestyle. Nonetheless, last night got weird. I actually spent more time at the Tap yesterday then I did at work, which is my fault because purposely set it up that way. But by 1:00am, I was kind of sick of the place.

So my friend R-Dog and I get to the Tap around 3:30pm with my friend Preggers (who will be known as Preggers until her baby is born hurrah). We eat wonderful bar bites and hare war stories or work for awhile. This part is relatively normal until I explain what I have planned. For on this night I had simultaneously planned a happy hour, a date, my Trinity class and a Thursday drunk down. It was like the plot of a bad sitcom where the protagonist has to be at three places at once. Fortunately I didn't have to change my clothes.

The date is what really messed me up though. I occasionally do the whole internet dating thing, and so when a fellow teacher from a bordering town asked me if I'd like to hang out with her, I agreed. I'd never met her, but I'd seen several pictures of her. So I told her about the Tap happy hour and she agreed to meet me there around 5:30, which was an hour prior to class. A fellow teacher has to be normal, right?

Well, apparently not. For after I asked her to the Tap, she began telling me some of her interests. And while she isn't in to sex clubs and bondage, the alternative may even be worse. She shared with me that she had just recently written a fanfiction story that synthesized Star Trek and The Philadelphia Story. She was also obsessed with Darth Vader and referred to herself as the Lady Vader.

Now, I'm a fairly open minded fellow. I accept and embrace alternative lifestyles. So I didn't share my feelings about the date and certainly didn't retract the invitation. But my friends have a way of bringing out the worst in me, especially when we've been drinking. More people came to happy hour, and we continued drinking and I began to share stories about this poor girl. Folks were intrigued. The beautiful science girl who came to happy hour (I'm still not sure why I didn't just flirt with her) told me she was sticking around just to see this girl. Employees from where I worked hung around, hoping to catch a glimpse of the elusive Lady Vader. The 5:30 deadline approached. R-dog was definitely tipsy by 5:00 because he began to shout "look, it's Lady Vader!" to any girl that entered the bar. That was a bit embarrassing. He did the Vulcan hand thingee to a couple of random women. R-dog is a force to be reckoned with.

I suppose this is all my fault. We spent all happy hour making fun of this poor woman that by the time I was supposed to meet her I was terrified. Genuinely terrified. At one point the hot science girl told me that my hands were quavering badly. I must have inadvertently hidden myself, or somehow changed my features to look different, because Lady Vader never showed up. Later on someone at the table informed me that she had seen a brown haired woman that looked lost, but we couldn't confirm that report. I talked to random women (one beautiful girl in particular) and continued carousing while my fanbase, desperate to see Lady Vader, left disappointed. Instead Trinity people showed up and we had a nice time discussing blogging for a couple of hours. Not much debauchery happened in the back room of the Tap, so I can skip over those details.

The worse thing is that some of my friends stayed behind and continued to drink while I was in class. They left lewd texts on my cell asking me about Vader and the dark side and all sorts of irresponsible things. I tried staying away from them as long as I could after class because Trinity peeps and I were hanging. It was safer. But they inevitably went home and I was left behind with my drunkards.

I'm a nice guy, so I wont write the next part as badly as I could. Please don't jump on me for being sexist or a male chauvinist pig or anything. All I really remember about the rest of the night (I was tired not drunk, I stopped drinking after Dave cordially bought us a round of Jager) was that at around 1am R-dog was having some serious beer goggles. He wanted me to fly in formation with him to these two girls who clearly didn't want any guys to talk to them. They weren't dressed in any sexy manner, in fact one of them had this enormous red dress on that looked like a bad bridesmaid dress. To cap it off she had big Peggy Bundy hair. This led R-dog to dub her "Big Red." I aborted the pickup plan, citing how R-dog wasn't "that drunk" but he had other plans. As we were leaving, R-dog shouted "Later Big Red' at the top of his lungs. He convulsed he was laughing so hard, almost falling down in the street. Terrified, I scurried to the Blue Scion as quickly as I could, knowing that this woman could very well kick both our asses. My cats were happy to see me home in one piece.

So what have I learned from my experience last night. I don't think I create strange situations just to blog about, I just do it for fun. Surrounding myself with crazy people who are willing to do weird things is part of what makes life fun. Just go with it.

1 comment:

Holly said...

I wonder if the 'wild Brett' and the highly 'intellectual Brett' are somehow colliding in a strange world - and that creates strange situations not to blog about, but to live by.

If you can say you have an interesting life, then you have one up on most people. I'd enjoy every moment of it - life is, after all, for the living! ;-).

I really do enjoy your blog - it makes me laugh. Cheers!