Thursday, November 17, 2005

Falling Back into Old Habits

It's strange how quickly we fall back into old routines even though we've promised ourselves hundreds of times that we would never do that again. I find myself once again taking things that aren't serious way too seriously and that terrifies me. Those of you who know me generally know I'm a fun loving guy who just likes to laugh a lot.

There was like six months where I don't think I laughed once. Those were dark days where I spent most of the time worrying if my girlfriend (ex) was going to break up with me. My friends said that I no longer was fun to be around because I was so morose and concerned about her. In the end, we did break up. I can remember the exact moment when I realized how moribund I was acting. I was quietly eating lunch one day when one of my colleagues said something and out of the blue I made one of my famous amusing sarcastic comments. Everyone laughed and she looked at me and said "it's nice to have Brett back." That was the moment when I realized how damaged I'd been. It was kind of scary.

Since then I've made every attempt to not take things so seriously. There were alot of reasons why I broke up with my ex, but one of the main reasons was that I couldn't stop worrying. My mind was obsessed with the idea. So in recent relationships (which didn't work for one reason or another) I've attempted to stifle the impulse to worry, but it creeps up. So here's the deal:

I will no longer worry about stupid crap that I can't control. I will never be able to control it, and my attempts to control it only make my worrying worse. Chill.

There, I feel better.

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