I have some posting to do today, so I'll just begin with the hard one first. After yesterday's vague and ominous post, many of you who know me personally began sweetly calling and IMing to see what had happened. The truth of the matter is that sometimes things don't work out for reasons that are kind of vague and can't be explained. All I'm really sure of is that at some point LV decided that something wasn't working for her, and rather than force herself to continue dating she decided to end it. She called herself a coward for having done it.
She isn't a coward. What she did was very brave, and although it may hurt me, it was the right thing to do. I knew that things weren't right because when she stayed over I spent half the night awake wondering what I was doing. It was just way too awkward.
My brother, with all his sage wisdom, helped me come to this realization yesterday when we talked on the telephone. He told me about how I had abruptly broken off things with people when I didn't feel they were right and I responded by saying I at least gave the person a chance to see if it was right. He coughed a second, inhaled through his nose and said "yeah, but you were miserable the entire time you were giving them a chance."
Which ended up in one of those "oh" moments, and instantly vanquished the sadness I was feeling. He was right- I've always hung on to relationships too long hoping they'll sort themselves out, which is kind of cowardly itself. I hardly ever have the courage to break up with someone when I knew it wasn't going to last. Instead I let the relationsip linger and the person ends up getting hurt that much more.
LV, don't ever think what you did was wrong. You saved both of us a heck of a lot of heartache. And while I'll miss the way you laugh and hold my hand and stuff, there's always someone else who can do that. Ta!