My Craziness

For the past month or so I've been in this kind of weird, ultra-reflective mode. This mode forces me to consider a lot of things about my life and who I am as a person. Usually the lack of warm sunshine spurs on these wildly contemplative periods. During this time I came up with one solid conclusion. I'm too serious about everything.

Of course, the cliche that comes to mind in this sense is "knowing is half the battle." In our society we hold to the idea that knowing we have a habit or something we want to change is the beginning of that change. We are the facilitators of our personal evolution.

That's all bullshit though. In western culture we are obsessed with the idea that something is wrong with us. No matter how rich or successful or even happy we are, clearly something must be amiss. So we sit around thinking about it and wondering what exactly it is we need to fix. We show up to bookstores in droves to buy snake oil books telling us what the problem is, and how to maybe fix it.

So my revelation that I'm too serious is actually a revelation that I think about what's the matter with me way too often. Indeed knowing that I'm too serious might cause some sort of weird chain reaction in which I create a whole bunch of disingenuous ways to "fix" it. Maybe meditation might help? How about Tai Chi or green tea? Don't I know people who have had a lot of success with hypnosis? Inevitably I will implement the crazy Asian spiritual health regiment for a couple of weeks, but I will just clutter my life up even more and feel worse, as if I've failed.

So what's the answer?