Sad, But Necessary

I'm a leper.
Well not in that sense.
my hands constantly fall off
and I'm always in pain.
Always.
It gets easier
But then you forget
and it gets hard again.
I look for ways
To get around it. Like
When a roommate
opened
a bottle of
soda for me.
I cried,
and then shouted
"Look at me,
Look at my fucking hands."
So we cried together.
I don't cry anymore,
because I pretend
like I live with it, but
I don't.
Not really.
I can't shake hands
which is hard
because dad taught me
to always shake hands
and look into
people's eyes
but I see their eyes
when they shake my hands,
and
I'm embarrassed.
So I just don't do it.
It's not leprosy
it's seborrhic dermatitis
or psoriasis
like eczema but worse,
or whatever
they want to fucking call
it.
But people look at me
and know in a flash
stay away,
he's diseased
or unclean
or sick.
I'm not.
It's a disorder,
genetic,
and they don't know
what to do,
and
they don't
have
to live with it.