Dear Mr. President (soon to be known as George),
I want to be your friend. Now I know we've never met and haven't ever interacted, but I think we would make excellent friends. I noticed you like to ride your bike on the long vacations you take. I also like to ride my bike on the long vacations I take. We should get along really well.
I've been really good about using gas, just like you asked us to. I haven't been to work in two days because I've judged that going to work uses almost a sixteenth of a tank of gas. It is my patriotic duty to not go to work in order to save gas. God bless you and your leadership sir.
Now as your friend, I expect certain favors. I'm not asking for much, maybe just a small appointment in your administration. I've seen how your keen mind works in appointing people and I have several suggestions of appointments.
As a teacher, I know that I am far too experienced to be Secretary of Education. But as you have no litmus test for making appointments I can see myself fulfilling several other duties quite well.
1. Secretary of Transportation
I am a driver, but I know very little about highways, trains or buses. I feel perhaps my limited time sitting in lines at airports could qualify me for this position. Also, I drove a van once.
2. Secretary of Defense
As a child, I played war frequently with my pals. I am pretty sure that's exactly what you are doing with your "war on terror." As your buddy, I would be excellent at figuring out how G.I. Joe can maintain freedom and justice in the world.
3. Secretary of State
I hated foreign languages when I was in school, so I'd be perfect for this job. Cultures are not my forte either. I would mangle introductions and generally anger most of the world's countries. Hey, we are probably going to end up bombing them anyways.
Thanks for listening George. I know you could be spending this busy time not answering reporter's questions about Harriet. Call me anytime so we can nail down some specifics.