Sunday, October 16, 2005

Falling Back on Addiction

If you read my blog in any frequency, you may have noticed that I am updating a lot more frequently than usual. Yes, I have become more prolific and far more interested in writing than I've ever been in my entire life, but there's one main reason why I am writing so often. I've got the monkey on my back again, I'm hooked on caffeine.

This time it's not even soda, it's crazy stuff like Rockstar energy drink and Red Bull (both of which I took last night). It's tough when you're an addict because your mind goes through rationalizations, and you think everything is okay because the drug makes you a better person. I'm more charming and more sociable when I've had caffeine, plus I write better. But I know that it can't possibly be good for me. I'm not scared, I'm just more worried that I did something stupid last night. There's a weird Jekyll and Hyde aspect to me when I've had too much caffeine to drink.

I looked at my desk this morning and found a cheap bottle of wine, lots of bottles of water and about ten pages of fresh writing in my novel. Should I be scared or happy? Whoever wrote those pages is a damn good writer, and while it's now my job to edit the hell out of it, he did all the work last night.

I'm lucky in that I don't have many addictions and this one seems relatively harmless. Studies about caffeine's detrimental effects on the body are inconclusive at best, and there are millions of people like me who just can't get enough of it. I guess it's all about moderation, so if you notice brief periods of constant writing followed by longer periods of less writing, you'll know when I'm back on the stuff.

(By the way, what the hell was I thinking last night with my "million dollar idea." I'm pretty sure I had lost it by then.)

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